I didnt want to forget you but i knew in my heart

it was right i needed to let go because i was holding on

too tight i was holding onto something

that was never really there you didnt love me

the way i love you and it just felt like you didn't care

but something about you made me keep hanging on

i always thought about you every time i heard a

slow song it was so hard to let go but when i finally

started to to my surprise you pulled me right back

to you now i have what I've always wanted and all

of a sudden everything just fitsbut i ask myself is

this really it I've waited for thisfor way too long

i think you really love me but i don't know, maybe

I'm wrong but i hope you're not lying because

I'm falling way too fast but i know in my heart

that soon Ill just be another girl from your past

but right now I'm holding onto whats right in front of my face

because i don't want to lose you i don't want to be replaced

Ive never felt this way before about anyone at all

i just hope that you will catch me whenever i start to fall

when i think about you sometimes i start to cry

i don't really have a reason to but I'm just afraid its all a lie

I'm afraid to take a chance and let all my feelings be free

I'm afraid of what the future holds whats ahead for you and me

but i guess what i have to do is just face all my fears

I'm going to have to try to be strong and try not to

shed any more tears if you would ever ask i would give you

anything Im sorry i don't have much to give since right now

your my everything sometimes your the only thing

that keeps me hanging on just thinking of you makes me

want to stay strong I'm sorry for always upsetting you

and always making you mad i don't do that stuff on purpose

and Id never try to make you sad this might not all make sense

and it probably sounds really stupid too but i guess the point

I'm try to make is that i think Im really falling in love with you

I hate..

I hate wasting my tears on you.
I hate going back and forth
I hate not knowing about you.
I hate finding things out from other people.
I hate all the lies you've told me.
I hate everything you've done to get what you want.
I hate my life when your in it.
I hate my life when your not.
I hate that you only make me happy for a little while.
I hate that after that, we lose touch.
I hate that you come back into my life whenever it pleases you.
I hate that you have enough of a control over me that i let you back in.
I hate how much you don't care.
I hate the way you stare at me.
I hate when my phone rings and its you.
I hate that feeling i get in the pit of my stomach.
I hate everything thats ever happened between us.
I hate you.

CHRISTMAS:)

I'm so excited for Christmas:) It is in 50 days exactly:) I want lot and lot and lot and lot of stuff!
I want sneakers cute ones:) Clothes lots and lots of them! New cellphones mines getting old! And
makeup, and belts, and purses, and jewelry, comforter, straightener, hair stuff, new boots, heels, and lots lots more! I love when santa comes and I get up really early and watch The Christmas Story for hours until my Mom and Dad get up! Whaa im getting so excited just talking about!
And I love it when the snow is falling when I go to bed Christmas Eve night!

Being mean!

I'm so extremely mean to my boyfriend its so horrible. He does absolutely everything for me and i never treat him with any respect:) Like he goes out and buys me stuff all the time and I never even say thank you! My mom yells at me all the time because of it to but I just continue to be mean to him:-p I think I should probably start being nicer to him:) Like just yesterday I've been sick and he brought me some tea and two bags of cough drops and i wasn't very nice to him and I didn't say thank you I probably should have! I think im going to apologize to him after this period for anything I've ever been mean about:p

I think i have alot of apologizing!!

MY BIRTHDAY!!:)

MY BIRTHDAY IS IN SEVEN DAYS!!!!!!:) Im so very excited! Im going to be 17:) And im so excited I know I already said that but im very happy haha:) Im having a big party and im going to get lot and lots of stuff:) But my birthday we don't have school which kinda sorta stinks:( but that's okay! Because Devin has something really special planned for me and its a suprise. I really want to know what it is so i've been snooping but im getting no where because he's not telling anyone it sorta stinks alot so I guess I just got to wait!

Sixth period study hall:)

I really don't like people in my sixth period study hall!:) I never can get anything done cause there oh so very distracting and I can never get my work done. They are very mean to people to and they write bad things on peoples stuff and give it to their boyfriends! They also never stop talking about my actions that I make and how messed up they are. And they also take peoples phones and don't give them back to the end of the day. And they read my blogs when i tell them NOT to!!!!:). And i love stabbing them with pencils mwhahahha:) But pretty much I don't like any of them. Two of them trying sucking up to Mrs.Fiske all the time JERERMY WILBUR AND JUST MARLOW, bunch of teachers pets if you ask me! Just kidding I guess there all alright sometimes.. hahah

The all famous Ben.

Ben is the most greatest person in the entire world!:) He is my absolout best friend even tho i forgot to put him in my past blog, so hes in this one! He likes to wear red, ALOT. I will convince my mom to get him a job at the dollar store, because he will be the best worker there!:). He's in my sixth period class and he is forcing me to write this, but that's okay! I secretly won't get him in the job and he's not my best friend:). Now that hes not reading this i can write all the stuff I really think about him. He's stupid and wears red way to much! bahahahahaha:) goodbye now!

This is what ben really look's like:)! He's so uglyy!

p.s alot less muscle's than that!

Shattered..

You never cease to amaze me.
Everyday I learn something new about you. And I

will never let go of all the lines you said to me. But was it always a game to you?
Cause if I know you as much as I think I do, you wouldn't want to hurt me.
Guess I had to double check that, cause you broke my heart more than youll ever know.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, and the words you said, how they crushed me.
Back and forth, like a tug-of-war, how was it like being in the middle?
And I know you might think I'm weak for letting go, but you have no idea how much strength that took.

Picture perfect was what we were, but now all I have is shattered glass.
I went through the same old cycles. I got tripped by you, dusted myself off, and here we are again.

So when will this torture end? Have you had your fix yet, when will you move on?
Cause I know one thing's for certain, I love you, but you can't seem to make up your mind.
The cheating, the lies and the excuses. Can't you be different than all the rest?
But for some reason, I still don't seem to care..And you turned out to be the person you

promised you would never be. And all you are to me now is a stranger

Yet, do you think Id trade you in for the world? Not a chance..

The important ones..

I have some absolutely amazing friend's in my life.
I would be nowhere without them. They have been through
good times and bad times with me and there still here. They are
the support when i need them. And most of these people have been here
since we were little kids, and these people are my whole entire life.

Tasha Marie Martin, well since fourth grade, we've been making a name for ourselves...
we've been through so much we each other, good times, bad times, and tough times, we made it

through them all. And shes still standing right by my side to this very day.

Devin Alexander Cook, is my whole life.. he is there for me any second of everyday. He holds me up when I feel like falling, and I feel like I can't make it anymore. I know I can call him at any second, and he would be here in an instant. He is the one person who has impacted my life the most. He has made me into a better person the person I am today. He believes in all my hopes and dreams and never for a second doubts me, we may be young but were not to young for love.

Amy Lynn Allen, well we've definitely had our ups

and downs through out life.All the stuff that'scame

between us but your still the most amazing friend ever.

Felicia Christene Clark, well i love destroying the

interior of her car, and being crazy with her!

Samantha Marie Martin, She's loud and crazy, and i love it!

I have the most hilarious memories with this girl, and honestly

i will remember them forever.

My Wednesday.

Well, today I woke up late so I rushed around to get ready. When I finally got to school the bell was ringing! Then I went down to child development. We played musical chairs and took pictures. That course is pretty difficult! Then i had study hall which is boring, because I don't have any homework because I only have two classes so I haven't had homework yet. Then lunch which is the usual. Then study hall again. Then English, and were blogging! Then I had government which we had a substitute so it dragged by. Then after school I went home and went riding around with friends. We went to McDonald's after school got tons of food. Then we went to Walmart to mess around for a bit. Then I went to my friends Jared's house for awhile, and we went down to the river and a bunch of us mainly just hung out there till about nine. Then I had wicked bad allergies, so with that and a major headache I decided to go to bed early so I pretty much just did.