Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I didnt want to forget you but i knew in my heart
it was right i needed to let go because i was holding on
too tight i was holding onto something
that was never really there you didnt love me
the way i love you and it just felt like you didn't care
but something about you made me keep hanging on
i always thought about you every time i heard a
slow song it was so hard to let go but when i finally
started to to my surprise you pulled me right back
to you now i have what I've always wanted and all
of a sudden everything just fitsbut i ask myself is
this really it I've waited for thisfor way too long
i think you really love me but i don't know, maybe
I'm wrong but i hope you're not lying because
I'm falling way too fast but i know in my heart
that soon Ill just be another girl from your past
but right now I'm holding onto whats right in front of my face
because i don't want to lose you i don't want to be replaced
Ive never felt this way before about anyone at all
i just hope that you will catch me whenever i start to fall
when i think about you sometimes i start to cry
i don't really have a reason to but I'm just afraid its all a lie
I'm afraid to take a chance and let all my feelings be free
I'm afraid of what the future holds whats ahead for you and me
but i guess what i have to do is just face all my fears
I'm going to have to try to be strong and try not to
shed any more tears if you would ever ask i would give you
anything Im sorry i don't have much to give since right now
your my everything sometimes your the only thing
that keeps me hanging on just thinking of you makes me
want to stay strong I'm sorry for always upsetting you
and always making you mad i don't do that stuff on purpose
and Id never try to make you sad this might not all make sense
and it probably sounds really stupid too but i guess the point
I'm try to make is that i think Im really falling in love with you

I hate..

I hate wasting my tears on you.
I hate going back and forth
I hate not knowing about you.
I hate finding things out from other people.
I hate all the lies you've told me.
I hate everything you've done to get what you want.
I hate my life when your in it.
I hate my life when your not.
I hate that you only make me happy for a little while.
I hate that after that, we lose touch.
I hate that you come back into my life whenever it pleases you.
I hate that you have enough of a control over me that i let you back in.
I hate how much you don't care.
I hate the way you stare at me.
I hate when my phone rings and its you.
I hate that feeling i get in the pit of my stomach.
I hate everything thats ever happened between us.
I hate you.


I'm so excited for Christmas:) It is in 50 days exactly:) I want lot and lot and lot and lot of stuff!
I want sneakers cute ones:) Clothes lots and lots of them! New cellphones mines getting old! And
makeup, and belts, and purses, and jewelry, comforter, straightener, hair stuff, new boots, heels, and lots lots more! I love when santa comes and I get up really early and watch The Christmas Story for hours until my Mom and Dad get up! Whaa im getting so excited just talking about!
And I love it when the snow is falling when I go to bed Christmas Eve night!

Being mean!

I'm so extremely mean to my boyfriend its so horrible. He does absolutely everything for me and i never treat him with any respect:) Like he goes out and buys me stuff all the time and I never even say thank you! My mom yells at me all the time because of it to but I just continue to be mean to him:-p I think I should probably start being nicer to him:) Like just yesterday I've been sick and he brought me some tea and two bags of cough drops and i wasn't very nice to him and I didn't say thank you I probably should have! I think im going to apologize to him after this period for anything I've ever been mean about:p

I think i have alot of apologizing!!


MY BIRTHDAY IS IN SEVEN DAYS!!!!!!:) Im so very excited! Im going to be 17:) And im so excited I know I already said that but im very happy haha:) Im having a big party and im going to get lot and lots of stuff:) But my birthday we don't have school which kinda sorta stinks:( but that's okay! Because Devin has something really special planned for me and its a suprise. I really want to know what it is so i've been snooping but im getting no where because he's not telling anyone it sorta stinks alot so I guess I just got to wait!

Sixth period study hall:)

I really don't like people in my sixth period study hall!:) I never can get anything done cause there oh so very distracting and I can never get my work done. They are very mean to people to and they write bad things on peoples stuff and give it to their boyfriends! They also never stop talking about my actions that I make and how messed up they are. And they also take peoples phones and don't give them back to the end of the day. And they read my blogs when i tell them NOT to!!!!:). And i love stabbing them with pencils mwhahahha:) But pretty much I don't like any of them. Two of them trying sucking up to Mrs.Fiske all the time JERERMY WILBUR AND JUST MARLOW, bunch of teachers pets if you ask me! Just kidding I guess there all alright sometimes.. hahah